tiffany’s posterous

 

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March 15, 2009

Fuck this.

My dad is a fucking douche. I am officially writing him off my books. I seriously only see him five days of the week and he doesn't even say anything to me, but it's like he collects a bunch of asshole-y things to say and lets it all loose for the remaining two days. He fucking insulted my cupcakes. God. It was the first time I made them. Not everything has to be perfect.

Oh yeah. My parents are also rasists. They literally hate Obama, and it's purely because he's black. How am I supposed to grow up to accept all people when I have parents who can't themselves. It's hypocritical and it's bullshit.

I now own a tank top. I don't even think I've tried on one in years. It's kinda awesome how my sister basically bought the same one in a larger size, and it's cool to see how different we look in them (complete opposite). I also got my first v-neck (orange!!) and new jeans (flared, but darker).

I made more cupcakes. They're soo much better then my first batch, it's redonkulous (lol). I ran out of vanilla though, so I basically can't bake anything until I get more vanilla.

PS. I have no idea what I'm going to wear to the wedding. They don't have any really cute kids dresses in any of the stores near here. 

PPS. I'm shower singing again!

PPPS. I have really cracked out dreams. Such as (crash) driving dreams. Strange.
Filed under  //   baking   canada   dreams   food   parents   shopping  

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March 7, 2009

Fiction

Fiction is more personal then narrative. In narrative, you tell just the truth, not what you feel. You describe the facts, but raw emotion can't be told in truth. In fiction, you base whole stories and characters on your personal accounts and feelings. When you're assigned to write a narrative, it's easy because you can choose what to include, and you don't have to tell the truth. You can lie and make yourself however you picture you to be. But in fiction, you're telling the world what you can't say to other people. It's like telling the truth, but without being vulnerable. It's like revealing your true self under the disguise of your "made up" character.

We're writing fiction in writing workshop, and it's going to be tough. I had enough trouble trying to describe my relationship with my cousin (I literally had to email it to her just for an extra hour of time), but trying to finally tell somebody about my struggle with Clayton? It's going to be impossible to turn my assignments in on time. But because I'm a writer, and I want to make a story about something I can relate to, I have to do this. I want to finally tell somebody this story, and I think it's the perfect time.

I can't lie. I'm bad at it, and I'll sound totally fake. I have to write about something I know. And I know a lot about tricking yourself into loving a person, and finally waking up. It's my version of a love story. It's based on my events, but it's like writing myself an proper ending. It's like making my own personal relationship closure.

I wouldn't write this story any other way. 
Filed under  //   clayton   school  

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March 6, 2009

ISATS

School is like my main priority (I'm a loser. lol) so I haven't blogged in the last few days. I do have a fairly good reason for not blogging though. I was doing testing that basically dictates the next five years of my life (AKA: ISATS). It's been pretty good and easy and all that, but I'm really worried about my science grade. I heard that it doesn't really matter for high school acceptances, but if it does, I'm screwed. There is no way I scored higher than 85%.

*meekly* I also kinda changed my answer on a question that you weren't supposed to go back to. I know it's not right, but I seriously need to get into Northside. Plus I originally put Tuesday. I just changed it to Thursday. But then I changed it back a day later.

I have also accepted the fact that it's incredibly unlikely for me to get into Northside, and that Lane Tech isn't that bad. OKAY. I just need to add that.

(I KNOW THIS POST FAILS EPICLY, BUT I NEEDED TOO)

PS. I'm officially over Clayton. I've decided that he fails, and that he's no good for me. And to prove that I'm once and for all done with him, I actually passed up a chance to talk to him. (and give him the assignment that if he didn't turn it, he would get an F. and if i gave it to him, myself, he would be forever greatful. lol. probably not. that's me being stupid. he's a douche. probably won't care. just happy he didn't get an F).

PPS. I AM SO BOREDD. 
Filed under  //   school  

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February 24, 2009

In and Out

It's amazing how you can fall in love with a person just as quickly as out of - without even noticing it. I knew that something in me changed, or that something was different. I felt happier and I didn't know why until I looked just looked at Clayton yesterday. I realized he wasn't the person I had 'imagined' him to be. The picture of him I saw in my head broke and shattered, and now I don't know what to think.

I feel liberated now. 

I still have lots of problems. lol. I tried to alleviate one of those today and it was honestly, like trying to communicate with a brick wall. I brought up how I could insult my friends, and how they don't even fight back. I want intellectual (or at least relevant) friends who can carry a goddamn conversation. Even today, when the conversation actually involved themselves, they still didn't do shit. 

I find it ridiculous how I can communicate better with people that don't call me their best-friends. It's so easy to talk to people about anything, but it's impossible to communicate when the people you're talking to, don't listen (or care about anything).

I'm an eternal fangirl, and I have lunch mates (can't really call them friend) who don't watch tv. Damn. 
Filed under  //   clayton   janice   micki  

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February 23, 2009

Clayton (again)

recently, i fell in and out of love with a boy that i thought was perfect. ultimately, i ended up out of love, but happier, so i guess things weren't all that bad. mostly, i found myself falling more and more out of love with you (although frankly, i shouldn't be using love because really it was nothing even remotely close), and it was all because of a small thing that actually revealed more of yourself than you ever have to others out loud. it was weird, and it wasn't what i expected. the dream, that was previously kept carefully in a glass bubble, shattered and broke.

this experience made me realise that you can never build someone up in your mind too much, because when you see them, in reality, they're not quite how you imagined them to be.

— Lightbulbs Attack 

I don't think I could have phrased this more beautifully. The feeling of letting go, and the slipping feeling that you don't realize until you look back that feels like you're slowly waking up. It's liberating.
Filed under  //   clayton  

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February 22, 2009

DAMN

Everything I bake tastes the same, and I'm afraid my parents have noticed that.

On friday I made this delicious batch of fatty White Chocolate Chip cookies (from the classic Tollhouse recipe!). They were puffier then normal (extra baking soda), and it they were so good. I made them with my sister and it was so much fun.

Today I made half a pound cake (first cake I ever baked!), courtesy of Serious Eats. The texture was really good for a first cake, but the flavor failed so hard. It wasn't too sweet, and it wasn't too butter. It was just really plain. It tasted just like a cookie without the chocolate chips. EVERYTHING I MAKE TASTES THE SAME :( I should have squeezed some lime juice in there to make a lime pound cake. It might have been tasty.
Filed under  //   baking   food  

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February 18, 2009

Nothing Better

I'm happy. It's been forever since I've felt this way. 

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February 16, 2009

Why

Stop building your life around someone who doesn't give a fuck about you.

Why can't I fucking do this?  
Filed under  //   clayton  

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February 15, 2009

Cookies

Cookies only end up good when they're made out of love. I made a batch of Crispy White Chocolate Chip Cookies today but they taste just like the Tollhouse recipe (only with oatmeal). Maybe it's just the white chocolate, but goddamn the cookie tastes so boring and bland. If I make another of the same batch, I might just be seen as a fraud (as an amateur baker). 

I need to find a recipe (that I can make with my current ingredients available) that doesn't taste like anything I've made before. :/
Filed under  //   baking   food  

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February 14, 2009

Valentine's

I had a good day, but I think it would have been nice to share it with someone special. Being home alone on Valentine's Day is scary, and I know that this will probably happen more then once in my life time (this scares me even more). I'm just feel so alone, and I can't help but miss Clayton (I'm even listening to Modest Mouse right now) and I have nothing to do. I don't really want to think about him, but I don't know what else to do. 

I saw Confessions of a Shopaholic and it was lovely. I love Hugh Dancy's (amazing) Luke Brandon. I wish I just chose the nice guys, not the guys who don't love me. I honestly think I have Valentine's Day lovesickness. It's hard to literally yearn so deeply for a person. 

I also think I got ripped off for the Mac & Cheese from Noodles and Company. By small, they really do mean small. The fountain drink was pricy too. It was cheaper then Cherie's but like $3, but Cherie had fries and lots of meat (yum).
Filed under  //   clayton   food   movie   sister  

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